I really hate going to Indralaya, I don't know why they built university in the middle of vilages. It's very isolated. And currently, I'm hating that place. If it's not for my both parents and education's sake, I won't go to that place. Third semester is very different, my feeling toward certain things is very different as well. Maybe it's just the growing up, blergh I don't know.
I burst to tears last week, I felt like I've been carrying this burden. Very heavy. And now I feel lot better, though there are lots of stuffs that need to be fixed and to start over, I'm doing fine. And because of that, I finally realized that I've been wrong for the past 3 years. I think, since I came back to Indonesia in 2006, I always tried hard to make everyone happy with everything I did and decisions I made. I've done them for people's happiness not mine. And look where am I ended up at?
It's like, this is not where I am supposed to be. I made plan A and B, but ended in G, you know what I mean? How about my passion of becoming a doctor? haha, never actually said that loud eh? no matter how scared I am with blood, I want to be a doctor. I tried once, I failed, and stop trying. That is wrong. I'm scared of failure which is fcuking stupid, I'm such an idiot. People learn from their failures idiot! I blame myself for that. I follow what people said, I listen too much to what they said. I try to make them happy.
Now, with everything I've ended up with, I have to face and enjoy them and try my best to survive. I won't go with the flow anymore. I go with my heart. I take people advices and filter them first, I do everything for my happiness not theirs. Yes, I am selfish. But, I think it's time to save myself (Quoted from: Saving Francessca, Melina Marchetta).